That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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