Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
