Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
