Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
