dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
