When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
