Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
