420 ftw
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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