It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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