Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
