I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come on in and take your pants off
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