Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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