pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
