So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
