It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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