i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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