Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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