Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
