When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize