So drunk its hurt
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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