Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
