toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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