I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
