I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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