Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
