They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
