last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
