if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
