I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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