We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize