Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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