She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
