dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
