I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize