last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
