He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
