Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
