why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize