i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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