I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
