I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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