Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
