I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
