good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
