I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
did i just pee glitter
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
