maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
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