capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
