i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
