I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
