i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't deserve a penis
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
