garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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