I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
