can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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