I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
