this beer tastes like vomit already
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
