singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
