i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
