i'm signing you up for texting rehab
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
it glows. i had to have it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
