i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
