After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
