i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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