i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
