I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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