just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize