Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
