Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
