The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize