I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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