worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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