My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
