I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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